Self-care

Self-care. It's one of those terms everyone likes to throw around a lot, and as such, it is used in various ways by different people. Unfortunately, it seems like the people who are in the most need of self-care are also the ones who don't fully understand the concept and use it in a destructive way. Self-care has become synonymous with "Self-indulgence," and self-indulgence often leads to self-destruction, which is literally the opposite of what you're trying to do. 

Self-care is when you, quite simply, take care of yourself. 

I'll be using Maslow's hierarchy as a convenient model for describing basic human needs (there are some insightful critiques of Maslow's hierarchy, but I think we can still learn a lot from it). In his hierarchy, Maslow states that at the very basic level people need food, shelter, and safety, and I agree. Thus, your first step in self-caring should be to ask yourself if those needs of yours are being met. Not just "Am I hungry/thirsty?" Ask yourself if you've been giving your body the nutrients it needs, and if not, eat something healthy. If you get home from work and have had a bad day and you think to yourself that you need to self-care and therefore decide to eat junk food for dinner, or just have wine for dinner (or both), then you aren't really self-caring. You're effectively sending a signal to your brain that you don't actually care about yourself, that your body doesn't deserve to be treated well. Try being honest with yourself about your needs, rather than your desires. Your body needs grains, fibers, protein, iron, vitamins, etc. It might seem like you need something sweet and/or deep-fried, but that's not going to make anything better.

Once you've nourished yourself, take care of your other safety and security concerns. This includes making sure you are physically safe, which can mean literally not in danger of being physically harmed, but is also a broader issue of ensuring the safety of your body. It means getting exercise and sleeping enough (and not too much), and going to the doctor if you're having any health issues. Additionally, safety and security include developing financial security. If you're broke, a good form of self-care would be to spend time either working an extra job or finding other ways to get money (e.g. reaching out to friends and family). If you say "I'm broke and stressed and really need some self-care right now," and then follow that up with a form of distraction, you're telling yourself that your problems aren't worth solving, and, in essence, you are not worthy of solutions. 

Maslow's next step is social-belonging; that is, the feeling of belonging that comes from friends, family, and romantic relationships. This is important, because we are social creatures, and it is essential to our well-being that we surround ourselves with quality relationships. But we shouldn't let higher levels of the hierarchy distract us from fulfilling lower levels. If you're feeling down and know you need to self-care, before you turn to your loved ones for moral support, ask yourself if you've provided yourself with the material support you need (and obviously there are times when loved ones can help with the material needs). 

After social-belonging the needs become more vague and difficult to quantify. The final three levels are Esteem, Self-actualization, and Self-transcendence. I think a lot of what people tend to think of as self-care fall into these final three categories. Things like reading and painting and gardening and listening to/creating music. These are crucial, but not at the expense of the lower levels of care. 

The quick, feel-good activities that we do only distract us from treating our bodies and minds with the care and respect they deserve. So let's all stop saying "self-care" when we mean "self-indulgence," and maybe start actually caring about ourselves, our health, and our needs.