Last week of school

During my first year as an undergrad at UW-Madison I frequently wrote letters to my family (in Israel and scattered across the US), in which I reflected upon my experiences. I think it might be fun to read them now, almost four years later, and see what came true, what didn't, what I regret, and what I'm proud of. 

"As most of you probably know, my mother used to write “Dear Grandpa” letters, which she sent out to a very large number of friends and relatives, describing our lives in Israel. When I was young I didn’t quite understand why she did it, but now that I’m the one who’s apart from my family, I can appreciate the need for such letters, and well, the convenience of being able to let everyone know what’s going on in my life at the same time. I don’t come close to having the descriptive and colorful language my mother has, but I’ll try my best to at least convey the facts about my new life here in Madison. I also lack the persistence needed to maintain an ongoing project such as this, but I hope that for this purpose I’ll be able to keep it up, as long as there are still people interested in hearing about my life. My goal is to write a letter once a week, although I assume that once classes start I might be too busy. Anyway, if you don’t hear from me, feel free to send me an email reminding me to write."

My first regret is not having the persistence to actually keep up with the letters. Although I was very busy throughout my time here, I really could have taken the time to write more. Time has gone by so quickly, and I've had so many undocumented experiences that are just gone. Still, I'm glad for the letters I did write. 

"I also started to try and figure out how to get around on my own. Buses in Madison are very different than buses in Israel. For one thing, the drivers here are actually nice. When I told them where I was trying to go to, they were eager to help me try and figure what to do, and they could tell I was new to the metro system, and told me about the different passes that are available, and explained how to put money in the little machine… It was a pleasant experience, interacting with nice people. I think in Israel, people think they should only be nice if there’s a reason for them to be, while in Madison people are naturally nice, and are only unpleasant if there’s good enough reason for them to be. Another thing that’s different on the buses is the way to signal the driver to stop. In Israel, there’s a little button that says STOP on all of the poles, and you just have to push them. On the bus here in Madison there weren’t any buttons to push. I noticed the STOP light went on every once in a while, but it took me a while to figure out that people were signaling by pulling the cord that goes along the windows."

I'm amused by the little things I thought were worth mentioning, but I still mostly agree that buses, and public spaces in general, are much more pleasant here than in Israel. However, as I interacted with more people here and learned more about the culture, I realized that a large part of what determines how nice someone is to you is based on your race and gender. In Israel, everyone is mean to everyone (or so it seemed, growing up. There are probably also plenty of groups that experience prejudice that people don't really talk about).

"Next on my list was to get a laptop for school. I started looking online, realized there were too many options, went to a couple of stores, realized that if I’d keeping shopping around I’d never choose a laptop, and just got the cheapest, lightest one they had at Best Buy." 

On the one hand, I think I should have spent more time shopping for a good laptop. On the other hand, mine has lasted for almost four years so far, and although it's large and bulky and the keyboard is too noisy, it works for what I need. So maybe it was a good choice.

"On Monday, August 12, I had Student Orientation and Registration, or “SOAR”. I had an honors advising session, where along with another 8-9 students, I learned about the kinds of courses I’d need for my degree, found out a little about school resources, looked at the different classes they offered, and talked to current honors students to kind of get a feel for what school’s like. In the evening there was a dinner for the students and their parents (most student were there with their parents, I’m not sure why), and then there was recreation time for the students (I found out that rock climbing is much harder than it looks). On the second day of SOAR I signed up for my classes. I’ll be taking a First Year Interest Group (FIG) that focuses on vision through three different courses: psychology, anthropology and philosophy. In addition, I’ll be taking a course in Chemistry, and a “Wisconsin Experience Seminar”, which is a one credit course designed to help students get to know and be more involved in the university and the Madison community."

I regret taking the Wisconsin Experience Seminar and the Chem class. The former was a waste of time, and the latter was too hard and I didn't gain as much from it as I would have if I had waited to take it at a later time. I didn't need chemistry for anything, but the advisers at SOAR thought it would be a good course to take just in case. Retrospectively, I think that's pretty terrible advice, but at the time I thought they knew what they were talking about. I ended up getting an AB in the course after getting a D on the first exam. It's not about the grades though. I wanted to take it partially because I felt like I was lacking basic knowledge about how the world works, and figured something like intro chem would give me some of that knowledge. I really enjoyed my FIG though. One of the classes (anthropology 105) is still among my top three classes.

"Monday morning I went in to work at the lab. I started out training..."

I was worried about getting a job, so I took the first thing that came along. Which I regret, because it was just a job working as a lab assistant, washing dishes and prepping petri dishes. I didn't know what I wanted to major in, but I figured it'd be good to have some experience in a lab. I didn't gain that much experience, didn't really meet any people, and didn't enjoy it.
It's kind of amusing to see the parallel of that experience to my current situation. I'm graduating from college, and don't know what I want to do with my life, so I found something to do in the meantime (don't get me wrong - I'm excited about CityYear and I think it's really important work, but it's just a temporary plan). I think one of my stable personality traits is my fear of making important decisions, which leads me to just settle for the safest option. I should do something about that.

"The pizzas here are literally twice the size as the pizzas in Israel. Everything here is bigger, which at first seemed like a good thing, but I always end up either eating more than I should, or throwing away half"

I should have stuck to throwing away half, rather than giving in to American portion sizes. That might have prevented me from gaining 40 pounds in the past 4 years. I just had some Ian's the other day and had no problem finishing the slice.

"I went over to the bookstore to purchase my Chemistry books, which are very expensive and very heavy."

It wasn't until my last semester that I realized that I shouldn't buy textbooks, since they're available on reserve at the library and/or online. I've spent a lot of money on books that I didn't need.

"On Wednesday I went on a tour of one of the libraries on campus. The whole library system remains a mystery to me even after the tour, but there are always librarians I can ask if I need anything, so I guess it’s ok that I didn’t understand everything. And it’s good to know there are so many quiet places for me to study in between classes."

I think I've managed to figure out most of what there is to know about the libraries since then, so that's one accomplishment I can be proud of, I guess. I'll miss the libraries. Especially college library. A lot of people hate on it, but I enjoy how crowded it gets. I like watching people study, talk, play, laugh, cry... So much is always happening there. It just feels like home.

"After work on Thursday I went to the financial aid office to talk to my financial aid officer in person. They were supposed to post my financial aid package months ago, and every time I called or emailed them to ask about it they said it would be ready within a week or two or within a few days, and it was never posted... when I told them I wasn’t sure I’d be able to afford tuition, their solution was that I not enroll... I don’t think their solution of simply not enrolling is acceptable." 

 I still don't think financial aid officers should tell prospective students who are worried about tuition that they just shouldn't go to college, but I wish I had listened to their advice. I was eager to start college, and was already so much older than my peers, so the thought of delaying my enrollment for a year so I could gain residency status was very unappealing. But if I had done that, I might have been able to graduate with less than $10,000 in debt. Now, I have over $50,000. It doesn't seem like I'll ever be able to pay it back, and as much as I love college, it was probably a bad decision to pay so much for it.

I think I'm going to make this a two-(or three)-part post. Hopefully I'll actually get around to writing the rest of it.