Many people are unaware of the difference between envy and jealousy. Envy is the feeling you get when someone has something that you want. Your friend gets a new car, or some other shit, and you get that gut reaction, that I want that feeling. That's envy. Jealousy, on the other hand, refers to the protective "ownership" feeling over another person. You see your significant other talking to someone attractive, and get that feeling that they're yours. That's jealousy.
Sometimes, envy and jealousy combine. Like when you watch your best friend become good friends with someone you really like. You might feel envy that your friend is gaining a friendship which you would have wanted, and jealousy that your friend is giving their attention to someone else.
Envy and jealousy, like all emotions, serve a purpose. They tell us what we care about, what really matters. I know this on an academic level. I understand the concepts of envy and jealousy, and the purpose they serve. This doesn't change the way I feel, and it also doesn't change the way I judge myself for how I feel. There's no rational reason to feel bad about feeling envious or jealous, yet I do feel bad when these feelings crop up. Maybe it's because of the way society treats jealousy as if it's bad. Maybe it's because I know, deep down, that the things I'm envious and jealous about result from me caring about the wrong things. What does it mean to care about the wrong things? I don't know.
It might just be that it all boils down to all-or-nothing thinking, and that's really why it's "wrong" to have feelings of jealousy. I want ALL of the attention, or I'm not good enough. I want people to like ALL things about me, and if they don't, then they don't like me at all. I understand, of course, just how irrational this is. And since I've chosen to label myself a"RationalSnowflake," I feel some cognitive dissonance.
When I feel envious it often stems from me not feeling like I'm good enough to have whatever I'm envious about. But that feeling of inadequacy is unfounded. Just because I don't have the same attributes as them, doesn't mean I'm not good enough to get what they have. I can likely get it anyway, and if I can't, it might just not be for me. And when I feel jealous, it's because I'm assuming that if someone is spending time with someone else, it's because they prefer them over me, and therefore don't like me at all. This comes from all-or-nothing thinking and insecurity that is again unfounded. People like to spend time with a variety of other people. Choosing one person over another says nothing about either person's worth in the eyes of others.
There are so many ways for me to grow. I'm going to end this post on that optimistic thought. I have this opportunity to work on myself, to become a more rational and happier person. Not by ignoring my feelings (that's almost always irrational), but by examining the reasons behind them, and questioning the assumptions I'm making. I don't have to be perfect, I don't have to have all of the attention, I don't have to have everyone like everything about me. I think it's a good thing to be able to always identify a few things about yourself that you're working on improving. Because when you set self-improvement goals, it signals to yourself that you care, that you're worth the investment. And I am. So I will continue to question my assumptions and maybe eventually get rid of them altogether. And if I don't that's ok too.
Sometimes, envy and jealousy combine. Like when you watch your best friend become good friends with someone you really like. You might feel envy that your friend is gaining a friendship which you would have wanted, and jealousy that your friend is giving their attention to someone else.
Envy and jealousy, like all emotions, serve a purpose. They tell us what we care about, what really matters. I know this on an academic level. I understand the concepts of envy and jealousy, and the purpose they serve. This doesn't change the way I feel, and it also doesn't change the way I judge myself for how I feel. There's no rational reason to feel bad about feeling envious or jealous, yet I do feel bad when these feelings crop up. Maybe it's because of the way society treats jealousy as if it's bad. Maybe it's because I know, deep down, that the things I'm envious and jealous about result from me caring about the wrong things. What does it mean to care about the wrong things? I don't know.
It might just be that it all boils down to all-or-nothing thinking, and that's really why it's "wrong" to have feelings of jealousy. I want ALL of the attention, or I'm not good enough. I want people to like ALL things about me, and if they don't, then they don't like me at all. I understand, of course, just how irrational this is. And since I've chosen to label myself a"RationalSnowflake," I feel some cognitive dissonance.
When I feel envious it often stems from me not feeling like I'm good enough to have whatever I'm envious about. But that feeling of inadequacy is unfounded. Just because I don't have the same attributes as them, doesn't mean I'm not good enough to get what they have. I can likely get it anyway, and if I can't, it might just not be for me. And when I feel jealous, it's because I'm assuming that if someone is spending time with someone else, it's because they prefer them over me, and therefore don't like me at all. This comes from all-or-nothing thinking and insecurity that is again unfounded. People like to spend time with a variety of other people. Choosing one person over another says nothing about either person's worth in the eyes of others.
There are so many ways for me to grow. I'm going to end this post on that optimistic thought. I have this opportunity to work on myself, to become a more rational and happier person. Not by ignoring my feelings (that's almost always irrational), but by examining the reasons behind them, and questioning the assumptions I'm making. I don't have to be perfect, I don't have to have all of the attention, I don't have to have everyone like everything about me. I think it's a good thing to be able to always identify a few things about yourself that you're working on improving. Because when you set self-improvement goals, it signals to yourself that you care, that you're worth the investment. And I am. So I will continue to question my assumptions and maybe eventually get rid of them altogether. And if I don't that's ok too.
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