He's already told you he loves you. More than that. He's shown you he loves you. Day in, day out. When you're in a good mood, or a bad mood. When you want to talk, or just be silent. He's there, caring. You don't have to prove anything. You don't have to doubt.
So you're free. Free to be yourself. Truly, completely. Just you. Because he knows you, and likes you anyway. No, he likes you because of who you are. There's no anxiety. No worrying about what you should say, when you need to be funny, or clever, or attractive. Sometimes you are all of those things. Sometimes, you're none of them. But always, you are you.
Then he's gone. And you're left alone, or masquerading as someone else. Someone who is always in a good mood, because sadness isn't fun. Someone who always wants to talk, because silences are awkward. Someone who has to prove, day in, day out, that she is worthy of others' company.
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You're walking down the street, soaking everything in, not really thinking about anything in particular. Enjoying life. The sunshine on your face, the colors of summer in a coffee-shop window. Wishing you could share that moment with someone. Not with words. Words are sometimes that best way to ruin a perfect moment. What you need is someone holding your hand, being present, without being a burden. You sit by the water, staring into the sun, listening to music. You sit there for hours. So calm. So peaceful. So beautiful. Gold and pink dance across the ripples, in perfect rhythm with the music in your ears. A moment so perfect, it cannot exist only for you. But it is. You are alone in this experience, and in so many others. Because sharing with others requires effort, effort that would take too much away from the pleasure. But being alone has its own way of detracting from the pleasure. It's kind of a catch-22.
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Being alone is sad sometimes. It gets lonely. You need to feel connected to others. Need to feel liked, valued, validated.
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Being alone is crucial sometimes. It sets you free. Allows you to get to know and love yourself. Teaches you that perfect moments can be perfect just for you, because you are enough. It doesn't really matter if your thoughts aren't interesting enough to share with other people, because they're your thoughts. You don't have to share them. They are good enough for you, and sometimes, that's all that matters.
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As the music picks up pace, you follow suit, shifting from landing on every track to every other one, sometimes even skipping two if they're closer together. If you angle your gaze juuuust right, you can make it seem like the train tracks are whizzing by, and it almost feels like you're flying. The song ends, and you slow down, out of breath, smiling. "That was awesome!" you think to yourself. For a split second, you wish someone was there with you. You could show them what to do. But would they get it? Would they experience it in the same way? And if they didn't, would it be worth it to have tried?
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Loneliness. We all experience it. Not the kind we get when we feel like we don't have enough friends, or that the ones we have aren't good enough. True loneliness. The kind you feel when you realize that you cannot, no matter how hard you try, succeed in perfectly communicating your inner experience to another individual. You are completely and utterly alone in your consciousness, and it is terrifying.
Unless you are enough. You are worthy of the pleasures you experience. They do not need to be given to others, you are enough. You are enough. You don't have to try to impress others, or be special in any way. You are you, of course you are special. You are the only one who is you. There is so much power in just being. You.
So you're free. Free to be yourself. Truly, completely. Just you. Because he knows you, and likes you anyway. No, he likes you because of who you are. There's no anxiety. No worrying about what you should say, when you need to be funny, or clever, or attractive. Sometimes you are all of those things. Sometimes, you're none of them. But always, you are you.
Then he's gone. And you're left alone, or masquerading as someone else. Someone who is always in a good mood, because sadness isn't fun. Someone who always wants to talk, because silences are awkward. Someone who has to prove, day in, day out, that she is worthy of others' company.
------------------
You're walking down the street, soaking everything in, not really thinking about anything in particular. Enjoying life. The sunshine on your face, the colors of summer in a coffee-shop window. Wishing you could share that moment with someone. Not with words. Words are sometimes that best way to ruin a perfect moment. What you need is someone holding your hand, being present, without being a burden. You sit by the water, staring into the sun, listening to music. You sit there for hours. So calm. So peaceful. So beautiful. Gold and pink dance across the ripples, in perfect rhythm with the music in your ears. A moment so perfect, it cannot exist only for you. But it is. You are alone in this experience, and in so many others. Because sharing with others requires effort, effort that would take too much away from the pleasure. But being alone has its own way of detracting from the pleasure. It's kind of a catch-22.
-------------------
Being alone is sad sometimes. It gets lonely. You need to feel connected to others. Need to feel liked, valued, validated.
--------------------
Being alone is crucial sometimes. It sets you free. Allows you to get to know and love yourself. Teaches you that perfect moments can be perfect just for you, because you are enough. It doesn't really matter if your thoughts aren't interesting enough to share with other people, because they're your thoughts. You don't have to share them. They are good enough for you, and sometimes, that's all that matters.
--------------------
As the music picks up pace, you follow suit, shifting from landing on every track to every other one, sometimes even skipping two if they're closer together. If you angle your gaze juuuust right, you can make it seem like the train tracks are whizzing by, and it almost feels like you're flying. The song ends, and you slow down, out of breath, smiling. "That was awesome!" you think to yourself. For a split second, you wish someone was there with you. You could show them what to do. But would they get it? Would they experience it in the same way? And if they didn't, would it be worth it to have tried?
---------------------
Loneliness. We all experience it. Not the kind we get when we feel like we don't have enough friends, or that the ones we have aren't good enough. True loneliness. The kind you feel when you realize that you cannot, no matter how hard you try, succeed in perfectly communicating your inner experience to another individual. You are completely and utterly alone in your consciousness, and it is terrifying.
Unless you are enough. You are worthy of the pleasures you experience. They do not need to be given to others, you are enough. You are enough. You don't have to try to impress others, or be special in any way. You are you, of course you are special. You are the only one who is you. There is so much power in just being. You.
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